Working for 4 hours = $36 (before taxes are taken out).

Damn. Really? I’m okay with that? Or was I so blinded by the biweekly checks that totaled around $400 which meant only $200 a week for 20+ hours? Granted, my job is not difficult. I sit at a desk and check people’s IDs as they walk into the dorms. I sign in people and make comments about how dumb freshman are. Things could be a lot worse.

But I have to work at night. Starting from 8pm until 12am Sunday through Wednesday, 2am on Thursday, and 3am on Friday and Saturday. I usually work Sunday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. It sucks. I hate it. I’m bored out of mind and just want to get some damn sleep. Not to mention my whole sleeping schedule gets fucked up on Sunday and then I’m screwed for the rest of the week. THEN when I finally DO get adjusted I have to work a late night and there goes my chance of getting a consistent schedule.

But what else can I do? I’m a sophomore in college. I’m not supposed to work as much as I do. And I don’t possess any skill set that would constitute being paid higher than minimum wage.

And for some reason this revelation REALLY pisses the shit out of me. Why am I not doing anything? I don’t want to be locked in a pattern of no action.

On this note of being angry at new information. I’m disgusted with myself. For a number of reasons.

I hate how I used to be so shy and still can be reserved. . . when I shouldn’t be! I hate how I’ve adopted the American way of being lazy and apathetic towards everything. Ugh. I hate that even at age 20 and with some college education under my belt I still feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I hate feeling so weak and directionless.

What can I do? How can I make this better?

I need to change my situation around. This life right now? It ain’t working out for me.

I’m so fucking bored that I don’t know what to do with my mind that is starting to drive me crazy.



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